Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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