i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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