i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
