I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
