Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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