I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
