Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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