My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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