Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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