So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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