it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
