I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
