The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I did not marry a roomba.
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