I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
