Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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