Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
