I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize