i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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