Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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