Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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