he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
