I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
