If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
