My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
