i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How external is "for external use only"?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
