i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
