Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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