If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
