Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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