Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
