we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
