i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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