who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
