the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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