so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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