Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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