Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize