There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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