i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
