I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
