You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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