I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
