every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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