No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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