she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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