3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
