Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
