Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My feet surprised me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
