just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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