tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh god it's open bar.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
