she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
