how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
