Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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