If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
