Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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