I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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