it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
