Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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