When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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