I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
